Coping With Change
By Jo Devin, Positive Living Skills www.positivelivingskills.com.au
We’ve all read the quotes about change being the only thing you can truly rely on, or the only real constant in life, and we all know that change will continue to happen in our lives whether we like it or not, sometimes in good ways and often in what seems like negative ways. Regardless of what is changing and how, it sometimes just feels hard, or at the least uncomfortable, and we all like to feel comfortable and at ease.
Significant changes in our lives can have a massive impact, like retirement, the loss of a loved one, losing your driving licence or moving house, even more so when events are coupled together. When you consider the example of someone losing their spouse and having to relocate, it’s understandably more than overwhelming.
Having said that, what could be considered ‘smaller’ changes can also have us feeling out of sorts or shocked and it can take time to adjust. We can find ourselves feeling angry or resentful from a change in the weather, or when our favourite coffee shop changes hands, or the local supermarket no longer stocks our favourite brand.
EVERYONE instinctively likes routines and habits. It’s in our wiring to rely on certain things as constant, or reliable. Studies have shown that most of us will choose the same cubicle in a public bathroom every time we visit even if they are all vacant!
So how do we build our skills to cope with changes? Here are some tips that might assist you build your ‘change’ resilience.
* Acknowledge your emotions. The most important thing is to acknowledge that whatever you feel is OK, no matter how big or small the change is. Your emotions are valid.
* Acknowledge yourself. If you’re reading this article then you have faced changes big and small and you survived. Think back to all the unexpected or expected events you have faced in your life, AND learned how to cope with. What did you do? How did you do it? Reflecting on your achievements is a great way to build your change resilience.
* Talk to someone. It’s so important to maintain social connections and speak up about your feelings. While seeking support could be new for you, there are people in your life who want to listen.
* Consider the positives. What could be OK about this new situation? According to neuroscience expert Dr. Rick Hanson, we’re all hard wired to consider all the negatives of a situation before we even consider any good outcomes. He calls it our ‘negativity bias’. See if you can come up with 5 aspects of the change that you could be ok with. For example, cooler weather means you get to wear the scarf given to you on your birthday, or if you have to find a new doctor you might possibly find one who you might feel even more comfortable with.
* Try something new more than once. If part of the change you are facing involves you trying something new, make a decision to try more than once. While the latest research suggests that it takes at least 20 hours to learn a new skill, you might decide to join the new morning tea group 5 times before you decide if you’ll keep attending or not. Stick to a number before you decide.
There’s one thing we all have in common no matter where we are in life and what changes we might face. We ALL have the capacity to cope with change because we have all done it before, and with persistence, practice and an open mind, and maybe some support from others, we can continue to cope with change and keep moving forward in life.
‘Change is inevitable. Progress is optional.’ Tony Robbins
Jo Devin Co founder of the Positive Living Skills Initiative